1989.06.28 - Smash Hits - The Guns N' Roses Story

The Guns N' Roses Story.... The unspeakable rise of the "BADDEST" band in the world!!

Where did they spring from these posturing pompadours of the oily head rags and momentous "hair"? Why are they always in jail? Why are they rollin' down the highway to hell with a bottle of "beer" in their boots? Are they really "the epitome of rock 'n' roll"? Let us peruse the evidence.. .

* Guns N' Roses began "life" in 1985 in Los Angeles (man). The five of them "got together" through being millions of severely dodgy groups that no one had ever heard of and then in a couple of bands that a few people had heard of called Road Crew and L.A. Guns. Axl and Izzy were pals from school, Slash and Steve were in Road Crew which Duff joined later.

* Between 1985 and 1988 (i.e. just last year!) they were so skint they "roughed it" in LA (man) sleeping on floors and sponging off various foxy "ladies" with whom they were having kiss-ups. How unsavoury. Their first ever "live experience" together was in June 1985 — "The Hell Tour '85" (cough) and on their way to their very first date in Seattle the car broke down. So, thumbs aloft, they hitch-hiked! It took two and a half days . . .

"We were all standing at the side of the road dressed in our stage clothes," froths Duff, "five guys in striped tight pants and boots out in the middle of Oregon. When we finally got there we were wasted. It was our first gig and we sucked really bad — it was hilarious . . ."

* They finally got their first record deal with top "hard rock" label Geffen Records in late 1986 and began to be known as The Gunners — not unlike top London footer outfit, Arsenal!

* They invented a rehearsal studio Jut of a garage and called it The Hell House (choke) because it was like "living hell" i.e. it had no bathroom, shower or kitchen and they stole pieces of lumber from a nearby building site to make a loft that slept three at a time. "I'd go with girls just so I could stay at their place . . ." pervs Slash 'cos that's the kind of guy he is.

In "The Hell House" Izzy used to sleep in a tiny space between the back of the couch and the wall —sometimes he'd be there for days!

* In the summer of 1988 they played Donington "Rock" Festival where Axl greeted the crowd by saying, "Have a good day and don't kill yourselves." Unfortunately, two members of the crowd were crushed to death whilst slam dancing during their set.

* Slash once said, "Our attitude epitomises what rock and roll is alf about." This has something to do with being drunk a lot.

W. AXL ROSE

* Axl's real name is Bill Bailey (har har) — Bailey being the surname of his step-dad who was a bit of a no-gooder. His real dad's name was Rose so he changed it to that when he was 17 'coz he didn't think his stepdad was much cop. The Axl bit comes from a "group" he was in and the W stands for William.
* He comes from a place called Lafayette in Indiana.
* Axl suffers from a mental disorder called "manic depressive schizophrenia" which means he is prone to "violent mood swings" i.e. he's either deliriously happy and full of "beans" or completely depressed and aggressive. He has to take a spook drug called Lithium all the time to keep him "balanced". It doesn't work!
* He was a bit of a "brain box" at school and always got "A"s. A psychiatrist who saw him when he was in jail once for three months said he had an "exceptionally high 10 and his behaviour is evident of psychosis".
* Axl got drunk for the first time when he was 16 and promptly fell out of a window of a two storey building and broke his hand. The same night he broke into an lunatic asylum. "I broke in one side and out of the other because I didn't know how to go round the building."
* He used to sing in the church choir, he won Bible reading contests and used to teach Sunday school. Haw haw haw!
* He says his favourite sport is sex because he's a complete perv.
* He's been thrown in jail over twenty times and insists that he was guilty only five times — of "public consumption" i.e. being completely bloottered.
* He once got his breeks nicked: "Someone stole the bag with my jeans in — eight pairs of jeans, every single pair I have! And my address book! And once a girl stole my pants with my wallet in 'em! I had to wear a towel to a radio interview — I didn't have anything else!"
* He recently shot a pig with a gun for a barbecue. The barbarian!
* He drives a white Corvette because he's loaded.
* He has five tattoos and a pierced nipple. Good grief . . .

SLASH

* His real name is Saul Hudson - how very "manly".
* He was born in Stoke-on-Trent.
* His dad was an album sleeves designer and his mum was a clothes designes. She made the clothes for Dame David Bowie's science fiction film of 1985, The Man Who Fell From Earth.
*They split up when he was still a tiddler so he lived in England in his grandparents' house with his dad until he was 11.
* In 1976 they emigrated to Southern California where Slash experienced "a lot of shit. I had total freedom all the time. I used to not come home for weeks...."
* Slash's first guitar was a plank with one string which he picked up in a garage sale when he was 15!
* Slash and Steve were high school chums and it was Steve who encouraged Slash to buy said "plank".
* He once said: "I drink every day - a lot. I pass out every night. That's my own choice."
* When asked why he chose to play guitar and not ver "bass", Slash says, "I decided the guitar was more interesting because, like, ut had more strings on it."
* He employs a security guard whose job consists of "following me around when I'm drunk." Ahirm.
* He doesn't drive anything because, he says, "I'd kill someone..."
* He owns three snakes: an eigth foot python called Pandora, another python and a boa constrictor.

STEVEN ADLER

* Often referred to as "the boring one in Guns N' Roses" 'cos, er, he's a bit boring.
* Steve's first drum "kit" consisted of pots and pans and dusty piles of old books and magazines because he was skint.
* He claims that the first time he "got wasted" was in his grandmother's bathroom when he was eight years old. Ahur.
* He likes "hockey and motorcycles, partying and rock and roll!"
* He was thrown out of eight different schools before high school because of "unruly behaviour".
* His motto is "Loud is a way of life!" Bloody Nora.
* He lives with his girlfriend Cheryl and his pug dog Benson.
* He doesn't drive anything because he's so boring!

IZZY STRADLIN

* His real name is Jeff Isabelle. Guffaw!
* He comes from Indiana.
* he and Axl were big buddies when they were wee - he remembers Axl as being a "serious lunatic when I met him. He was just really bent on fighting and destroying things. Somebody'd look at him wrong and he'd just like start a fight but then he could turn around and be the nicest guy in the world."
* Izzy's parents were divorces before he was a teenager and he spent a good time of his youth in the garage playing guitar. He moved to LA in 1979 and lived on ver streets man.
* Izzy once said, "Did you know that a human being can go for six days without eating and still get by? I've got by for about five before."
* He used to get his tuck by phoning a takeaway pizza shop just before closing time and ordering a pizza. He wouldn't collect it, knowing that it would end up in the bin behind the shop. "That way it was for free..." he slavers. (Berlee!)
* He drives a black BMW because he's loaded.

DUFF 'ROSE' MCKAGAN

* His real name is Michael McKagan.
* He comes from Seattle.
* He's the youngest of eight children and his dad used to be in a barber shop quartet!
* He's been in over 30 useless bands.
* When Duff first met Axl and Slash he had horrible short hair dyed mostly black, red and blond. They thought he looked like a big girl's blouse!
* he recently married the "woman of his dreams" (i.e. a foxtress) called Mandy Brix who sings in a dodgy group called the Lame Flames.
* He drives a black jeep 'cos he's loaded.
* Duff is prone to doing the odd stage "dive" i.e. flining himself into the audience with much gusto. The goon.
* Duff's hero is Sid Vicious - deceased drug-addled member of punk rock "outfit" ver Sex Pistols. "He was the coolest bass player ever...." he coos.
* He thinks he's a nice bloke: "I like to make people happy and I think I'm basically a good person...despite what you might read about me."