2005.04.DD - Metal Hammer - My Life Story (Duff)

MY LIFE STORY

By Jamie Hibbard

Velvet Revolver's bass-playing rock god Duff McKagan has been through some crazy shit in his life, but nothing has affected him more than his pancreas exploding. He explains to Jamie Hibbard why you don't want to go through the same experience like he had.

"I was resigned to the fact that I'd live fast and die young. Then I turned 30, my pancreas exploded and I ended up in hospital."

When and where were you born?

1978...Nah it was Seattle Washington in 1964.

What's your earliest childhood memory?

Probably music. I've seven older brothers and sisters, so I grew up with a lot of really cool music like Jimi Hendrix, Zeppelin, The Stones... My oldest brothers 20 years my senior so I also remember him getting married and another brother going off to the Vietnam war.

What was your relationship with your parents like and what influence have their had on you?

My dad left when I was young. He retired from the fire department and then started working for an insurance company investigating fires, and that gave him a lot of free time. He married my mom back in World War II and he'd never gotten to sow his wild oats so he started doing it. I'd come home from school and he'd be in bed with some other lady. So he was gone pretty early.

My mom - and I know everyone says this - but she was a complete saint, and I still look up to all her values. We didn't grow up with a lot of money at all, and to this day I don't live lavishly. To you it might seem so, but I don't have a chef or any of that shit. I'm a dad and we don't have a nanny or anything, so I got a lot of good values from my mom. She gave me a great example to live by in my life.

When did you first realise that a 9-5 lifestyle wasn't for you?

I worked a lot of jobs and played in a lot of punk rock bands but I never thought I'd actually make money from playing music. That was the furthest thing from my mind. But there was a lot of heroin in Seattle back in the 80's and I had to get away from that, so I moved to LA. I was really at the top of my game in Seattle and a lot of people told me "If you don't get out of here now you'll never get out." So I left and went to Hollywood and got into a whole new set of troubles.

I met Slash, Izzy moved in across the street from me and along with him came Axl, and really the first time we all got in the room...I'd been in a lot of bands and there was always one weak link guy, but that was the first band where there wasn't a weak guy. It was like fucking electricity the first time we played and everyone knew it.

How big a part have drink and drugs played in your life?

Massive. The whole time with Guns N' Roses was complete chaos, especially near the end. At first it was great fun chaos, and then it was just drink and drugs to keep yourself feeling ok, and some gigs we'd miss, in front of 80,000 people, or the singer wouldn't show up. But for me and Slash it was all about the fans who bought tickets, and we weren't going to say fuck it and call off the tour, so we went through with it. And we paid a heavy price. By the time we were done with the Illusions tour - in 1994 - my pancreas blew with no warning. Well, actually, a lot of shit was going wrong, like my skin was falling off. I basically thought I was just going to die. I'd resigned myself to the fact that I'd be dead by 30. I'd tried to stop many times, but just couldn't, so I was convinced I was going to live fast and die young.

But then I turned 30, my pancrease exploded, and I ended up in hospital. My friend found me in my house and carried me to hospital coz I just couldn't dial 911. I was conscious but I was in so much pain, like someone had stuck a dagger in my chest and slowly dragged it down.

So I got into the hospital and they gave me a whole bunch of morphine, but the pain didn't go away. They did an ultrasound and I saw my doctors face turn white. Then they gave me a form to sign to say they could take part of my pancreas out and if I survived then I'd be diabetic. I said to the surgeon 'Just fucking kill me.' It hurt so bad.

Then at the last minute while they were prepping for surgery they did another ultrasound and my pancreas had started coming back down. So they held on and it kept coming down. I had morphine in my right arm with a button - so I could control it myself - and lithium in the other arm with a button off the DT's.

But you survived so how did that change your life?

My doctor said "Your going to live. There's a reason your here, so don't waste it this time. Don't fuck it up." I always remember that. So they sent me to rehab. My mom passed away from Parkinson's during that time, but before that she came to visit me in a wheelchair and I - her youngest son - was in a wheelchair. It wasn't cool. I was all bloated and had tubes coming out... I really felt like I'd let her down when she was all crying. I got out of rehab, shaking like a leaf. My insides hurt - they still do - from getting 3rd degree burns on the inside.

So I decided to start riding my mountain bike and entered a race a few weeks later, and I thought if I could make four weeks then I could make four weeks. So I started hanging with bike-rider guys who were all like "Wow, i got wasted last night. We were drinking like rock star dudes!" So I asked them what that meant and they'd go "Well we drank like four beers!" I'd then tell them what we used to get up to!

How much did you drink?

A gallon of vodka a day, as much cocaine as i could get my hands on...anything to get high. But the problem is that the more you do the more harder it is to get up there. I wasn't getting high off the coke, I wasn't getting drunk, so it was back to heroin and Quaaludes or whatever pills I could get. Anything to get me fucking high. But it was impossible. Even now my resistance is so high, after 10 years, if I go to get dentistry done or something a normal person has two shorts of novacaine, I have to have 12.

Whats a typical Friday night with Duff like now?

When I'm home? I've got two girls, so we'd watch a movie, then they'd go to sleep and my wife and I would fuck.

What's the most extravagant thing you've ever bought?

The last time I was here in London I bought a diamond ring at De Beers for my wife. I was in there and said 'Give me the biggest ring you've got.' I ran down there too, so I got to De beers and I was sweating. There's three security doors and then two guards with ear pieces looking at me standing there with just my wallet and a frantic look on my face cos we had a photo shoot in 20 minutes. I look at the girl behind the counter and ask her to show me their diamond rings, and she asks what my price range is. I said 'just show me what you've got.' And I bought the biggest one.

How do you think you and Slash compared to the Rolling Stones Mick and Keith?

Just fine. We gave them a run for their money. I think we stood on the edge of the cliff. Actually I could almost say we surpassed those guys!